I would say I was just a regular working person. Yes I studied and obtained my degree, but was I happy working in the field that I was in? No!
I saw it and took it as a “job”. It came with amazing opportunities that I didn’t quite know what to do with them. A lot of people would say how lucky and fortune I was, at the end of the day I was just grateful the bills were paid and I was able to feed my family. Getting up every morning was a challenge for me as I had not found my purpose. One would think being in the same industry and environment for 7 years I would know what it is. Well, I sort of did – or at least I thought I knew what wanted to do. I went and studied a little further on something I really wanted to do and become, but that did not help me much. Suddenly it felt like what I knew no longer existed, it was all about Who you knew to get in. I done what I could and still that was not enough, I eventually gave up and stopped chasing that “dream”.
Growing up I always wanted to study law, but I am someone who is easily persuaded and I listened to my friends and went on to study IT. I done it because I was good in it at school, and well the theory part of it during college wasn’t so difficult either. When it came to the working world that ‘s when I realized that it’s not what I actually want to do. I stuck it out hoping it would get better and maybe one day I will start enjoying it, besides that pay wasn’t too bad. Fast forward a couple of years later, in 2015 I became a mom.
I spent six and half months at home before and after my son’s arrival. I enjoyed it but realized it only later on. Although it was very different from my everyday routine, I enjoyed the fact that I got to sleep in, take a shower (whenever baby let me), watch series and pretty much do as I pleased. In the beginning it was hard, you are deprived of sleep, you have mood swings, you can’t tell which day of the week it is, whether or not you took the washing out the dryer – basically it’s frustration, anxiety and depression. I missed having adults to talk to, I felt as though I was missing out on so much out there. When I went back to work I longed for those days I spent at home with my son.
When I got back to work there was a new challenge waiting for me, same department, different role. I wish I had done more to embrace it and take on the opportunities to learn and do more. Instead I once again stepped back into my comfort zone and watched how everyone around me was moving forward. I began to think if only I was a stay-at-home-mum, all my worries would be over. I’d be happy again instead of coming to a 8-4 job I knew absolutely nothing about. I would be fulfilled with my little one, watching him grow, play and learn.
Then I fell pregnant with my second child, I had mixed emotions and suddenly staying at home seemed like too much to take on financially. I thought to myself I had to stick it out at my job after all we were going to need two incomes. Five months into my pregnancy we moved across the world, and my wish to be a stay-at-home-mum had come true. Feeling uncertain and stressed in the beginning I can honestly say it has been the best decision. I got to spend four months with my toddler before the newborn arrived. We enjoyed his third birthday with him were he had us as parents all to himself. My routine had changed from rushing in the morning to get done for work and day care to waking up when we want to without alarms and eating pancakes for breakfasting without rushing. Although he is in preschool which is only 2 days a week for 2.5hrs I get to spend the rest of the days with him. I feel like I am finally doing my bit as a parent to teach him things and not only leaving it to his teachers in school. Everyday is an opportunity to learn something new and watch my little ones grow and explore.
Not everyday is glamorous I admit, but that’s the joys. I miss that adult conversations but that’s what play dates are for. I can still get dressed up when I am out with my kids, or I can stay in sweatpants all day long if I want. I gave up the days of sitting in traffic, hours in the office to spend it with my family and I would do it over again. Would I ever consider going back to work? Maybe – but that’s a long time from now. I would still like to help my husband out financially and figure out what it is I would like to do, but we do what works best for us as a family.